Day 4,5,6.

I pretty much fell into comatose the last few days. I really think some prople suffer Seasonal Affected Disorder! It's been really dark and cold out,did I mention cold? The sun came up today,but I didn't get up till 2:00! I have to get back into waking up early no matter how dark it is outside. I'm also going to need a better winter jacket and a thermos to carry hot tea in.Long johns would be great!Mayby a good hat! When you see people out do you think",get some fashion?" Those people are warm though!Mayby if I woke up early and started going out to hike early,things would roll along a lot smoother.Ok,no more movies at night! The cat is also going to have to sleep outside my room,otherwise I feel quilty trying to get up in the mourning;he's so soft and cuddley!On the bright side;my walks have been getting longer and I keep finding intresting things;pussy willows in December!On the dark side if the weather continues I will have to be more prepared in order to get through this,I missed one day of being outside and honestly Mayby I should be shooting for an earlier time, like 8! Wish me luck!

Day 3

It's cold , gray and truly gloomy. Woke late again. I did go walking for over an hour and stopped in the garden shop I used to work at.Did you know some succulints stay fine in cold weather?I got to see the Master Gardner there and picked up a paperwhite. Mayby that's a symbole of Hope.

Second day

The sun was actually shining!Although there was snow on the ground. My downstairs neighbor asked me to go out to breakfast,Usually I might have hesitated,but its suppose to be 21 days of change, right?We went to IHOP.Strawberry French Toast,So wrong so good. Here's the thing if you have a car its easy to get to near communities, stores, people,you know, that thing called civilizatiion!But I don't have a car so living in this woodsy area is like being thrown back to pionering days, except you can see the the signs of modern life.Did I mention I don't have regular t.v.? Just a little travelling c.d player. Yes, I'm going to end up mummbling on the side of the road talking to squirrils and trying to untangle briars from my hair.

1st Day

Well,how are you? No one there yet! That's ok because that is how life is and that is part of my problem right now, the isolation of winter. So, the night before I started my 21 days i stumbled in my kitchen and ended up badly bruising my ankle. I kept wondering to my self;"Mayby 21 days of just getting outside and walking and trying to get some light in my life isn't what the universe in her infinite wisdom wants me to do? Mayby I should be seeking another 21 days of change, like no sugar or sending out a resume everyday? "I feel so ashamed I'm not doing these things anyway and that adds to my winter blahs.I heard high selfesteem is being able to change your mind.Mayby I should? Anyway went to sleep and the next day actually woke up early!At 8 instead of 1! I got up ate,cleaned ,drank tea and threw on my rainboots to go walking. It was completely miserable and gray out.I live in a suburban rural community in New England(there is only one grocery store) .So it's a lot of ranch housing,some old homesteads and mini mansions surrounded by trees and old farm fields.My apartment is located on the main rd that tears through the town. It's really the main rd that is part of the high way that brings people through and on.

I went around looking at bare branches and spotted a beautiful puffed up black and white bird and some holly. I had started to think this could be enjoyable and went to see if there where any horses out at the Glenn house coral but there wasn't a niegh! Finally, I left and went to write at the library to write this blog ,but it closes by 5 on Sundays! That was ok because I had planned on taking the bus and going over to the next town to see their annual harbor lights show, where they decorate all the sailboats and parade them trough the bay. It seemed really exciting and something fun to post about to people.The rain kept coming down in great sheets and the sky was black like oil.Finally I realized I had read the schedule wrong and there would be no bus for an hour and a half, way past the ceremony. Suddenly I was just crying and crying! What happened? I don't know it was just the sense of emptiness of the place and realizing I was going home without having spoken to some one all day!Does this ever happen to you? But it was ok it felt good to let go of all that emotion. I haven't cried in months and it really awoken me to how lonely I was feeling.

On the good side of things I went to our only grocery store and found out that my late video fees had somehow magically disappeared! So I got out three movies for $1.99. See some things work out!

Wow, How are you? Is there anybody out there?This is my first time blogging and it's really fascinating to me. I choose to do this because with the darkness of winter coming on i know i need more motivation to bring myself out of depression and and angst that the cool months always seem to bring. Also,like many of you out there, I've been unemployed for 6 months and this had made me really slow down and look at my life.I need change, I seek change, I become change. So easy to say ,but is it as easy to do?Another thing that inspired me was the Leonid's meteor shower in November. I was outside in the freezing cold with stars blazing by me in the night sky and it felt magical!! So why can't a person continue to enjoy the natural outdoors throughout the season?Filling their bodies with light and positivity/Can I? I'm going to try, instead of holeing up,becoming depressed,not exercising,eating the wrong foods and feeling entirely moody and off balance.I have no idea if blogging will help but it seems really interesting and the people who write are inspiring. so here's to my adventure! Of course I could try to diet,astral project,meditate,learn asain cooking or interpretive dance, instead I'm going to try and converse with mother nature everyday for the next 21 days and GET OUTSIDE to fill my soul with light!why am I scared and nervous? Because this forum actually gives me a way to be responsible to my goal! Anyway whether I'm just talking to the void or becoming part of the light ,I thank you for letting me share and I thank the other bloggers who inspired me by their writings to do this,especially Primal Girl!Thanks. Oh I'm calling this 21 days of change because they say it takes that much time to brake a habit or begin a healthy one! Also Good luck to any of you who are looking for their own 21 days of change! Peace and Blessings!!