1st Day

Well,how are you? No one there yet! That's ok because that is how life is and that is part of my problem right now, the isolation of winter. So, the night before I started my 21 days i stumbled in my kitchen and ended up badly bruising my ankle. I kept wondering to my self;"Mayby 21 days of just getting outside and walking and trying to get some light in my life isn't what the universe in her infinite wisdom wants me to do? Mayby I should be seeking another 21 days of change, like no sugar or sending out a resume everyday? "I feel so ashamed I'm not doing these things anyway and that adds to my winter blahs.I heard high selfesteem is being able to change your mind.Mayby I should? Anyway went to sleep and the next day actually woke up early!At 8 instead of 1! I got up ate,cleaned ,drank tea and threw on my rainboots to go walking. It was completely miserable and gray out.I live in a suburban rural community in New England(there is only one grocery store) .So it's a lot of ranch housing,some old homesteads and mini mansions surrounded by trees and old farm fields.My apartment is located on the main rd that tears through the town. It's really the main rd that is part of the high way that brings people through and on.

I went around looking at bare branches and spotted a beautiful puffed up black and white bird and some holly. I had started to think this could be enjoyable and went to see if there where any horses out at the Glenn house coral but there wasn't a niegh! Finally, I left and went to write at the library to write this blog ,but it closes by 5 on Sundays! That was ok because I had planned on taking the bus and going over to the next town to see their annual harbor lights show, where they decorate all the sailboats and parade them trough the bay. It seemed really exciting and something fun to post about to people.The rain kept coming down in great sheets and the sky was black like oil.Finally I realized I had read the schedule wrong and there would be no bus for an hour and a half, way past the ceremony. Suddenly I was just crying and crying! What happened? I don't know it was just the sense of emptiness of the place and realizing I was going home without having spoken to some one all day!Does this ever happen to you? But it was ok it felt good to let go of all that emotion. I haven't cried in months and it really awoken me to how lonely I was feeling.

On the good side of things I went to our only grocery store and found out that my late video fees had somehow magically disappeared! So I got out three movies for $1.99. See some things work out!